I'm a snob.

Not sure how it happened but I have become a snob. Don't have anything more going for me than most people but somehow I seem to feel that I'm better or have it better than some people. Have heard about my problem with my "attitude" and wondered just what the heck they were talking about but I think now I know. I have this "air" of superiority that is backed up by nothing at all. I'm tall, good looking, intelligent, and maybe a few more things but nothing really special. I haven't turned out to be the first woman Supreme Court Chief Justice or even anything else that could be "bragged" about.

There was a time in the summer of 2009 that I sat and realized that I was really and truly happy. HAPPY!!! I remember looking at my husband (sitting in the kitchen at the computer) and realizing that I was happy and would not change places with anyone else on the face of the earth. I didn't tell him what I was feeling and not sure that I regret that. A few months later he would be dead and my world was turned upside down but even then - I was a snob. I had nothing really but still there was this feeling that I wasn't the same as many people I came into contact with.

He dealt with may people that really were down and he liked being able to help people. He even helped them when they were not helping themselves and were screwing him. There was one woman that had lived in 2 different houses he owned and each time left with a mess left behind and owing him money. One day she called wanting to talk to him and I told her that he would be renting a house to her only if he wanted a divorce from me. We didn't divorce but he did rent her a house and again she screwed him over. He was just such an easy mark for some people. Even if he had not been taken advantage of by so many people, I still would have problems talking to and being nice to lots of people he dealt with. He would occasionally ask me to be nicer to so and so and I would try (not too much) and that would make him a little happy.

There is something about me and my "carriage" that sets people off. I know that when I was in high school my Mother would get on to me about being more friendly and not being a snob. It was the way I was walking around. Didn't know what she was talking about. As a young adult, I got in trouble with my boss about my attitude. Didn't know what he was talking about (at the time) so tried to be more friendly. Figure now that what he was talking about was my "air of superiority".
That's really crazy since I usually feel way more insignificant than others. Not sure that is really the word. I find that I must force myself in many situations and do not feel confident even when others seem to feel that I am. As I've gotten older it has gotten easier since I really don't care what most people think or say. There is a lot of liberation in getting older. Ha, Ha!!