First time in a long time since I've had the dream that Jim had someone else.  Used to have it more regularly and recently became aware that I hadn't had them for a while.  Wonder if that's the reason for this time?  Hummmmmm?

In my dream he is alive but I am aware that he had been dead.  He had been living with another person and chooses to stay with that person.  I usually wonder what will happen about his life insurance and how we would pay for another funeral.  Is that messed up or what?

Last night was even more about money.  I decided to divorce him but for financial reasons I decide not to.  Crazy!  I guess he has feelings for me but he really has feelings for this other woman.  Sometimes he even tells me not to contact him anymore and doesn't even want me phoning him.

I'm usually a little disturbed when I have this dream when I feel that he's left me.  There is that unsettled feeling in the morning remembering the dream.  This is so not how things were.  He loved me - totally and fully.  I doubt that I will ever be loved like that again.  Would be nice but not likely.

Thinking about my life's accomplishments I count the fact that I was loved by him as one of my most major!  And for a very brief time I recognized that I was happy.  I will never forget sitting in the recliner and looking at him on the computer and having that realization.  Unfortunately I didn't tell him and I should have.